Connecting with our children through dance
Originally published in EcoParent magazine, summer 2014
In spite of my best intentions, there are times when everything with my son feels like a challenge. The other day, it was all I could do to wrestle my son’s socks on his feet, let alone his shoes, and hurry ourselves to daycare so I could make my morning meeting. I had my agenda while my toddler has his own ideas and needs and neither of us were feeling very connected. If I continued pushing for how I wanted things to be, it would have caused more resistance and distance.
Instead, on that particular morning I decided to turn on the music and have a silly sock dance. Eventually my son joined in and we steadily danced our way out the door. I was only a couple minutes late for my meeting and felt grounded instead of frazzled. By returning to what was most important – my relationship with my child – we were able to move back into a more responsive and collaborative place together.
As parents, we all find our own ways of fostering a deep and true connection with our children. As we figure out what’s best for us, it’s helpful to remember that the connection we have with our children is more non-verbal than verbal, especially with our very little ones. We pick up on each other’s emotional states, worries, stresses, excitement and joy more through how we move and act than through the words we speak.
One practise that works for our family is dancing together. You may be thinking, “But I don’t dance! I don’t even know how to dance! I have two left feet!” I completely understand your reservations. I believe, however, that if you have a body, you can dance! Even if you’re not a ballerina or hip hop performer, your body was made to move and by moving with your children, you can deepen your connection and listening non-verbally.
Some of the incredible ways that dance can strengthen our relationships with our children:
Dance and movement provide us with a language to communicate with our children; an amazing tool to express emotions and thoughts beyond words.
Dancing is fun! If we can let go of notions of how dancing should look or fears about what others may think, it feels good to just move.
Dancing brings us into our body, which is always in the present. Being in the present helps us to better tune into and respond to what’s being asked of us in the moment.
Dancing is a wonderful way to move through things and a great stress relief. It provides us with a way to release tensions, let any emotions rise, move us and then fall away. It can help us find perspective and space, which is especially helpful in challenging times.
Dancing allows us to model healthy activity, healthy expression, freedom of movement and presence for our children.
Dancing increases self-esteem, self-awareness, coordination and self-mastery. By moving with our children, we learn to trust ourselves and our intuition. As they move with us, our children can explore their bodies’ amazing range of motion and are given space to express themselves.
Dance is empowering. By allowing our children to lead a dance, we help them find their own sense of power. By leading our children in a dance, we foster their trust in us.
Dancing helps us to explore and give ourselves whatever it is we need in any given moment. If we’re tired, we can have a sleepy dance. If we have a broken leg, we can have an arm dance. If our children are super energetic, they can be as wild and crazy as they want. If our children are anxious, movement can give them an outlet for their fears.
Dancing can be done anywhere, at any time and in any place. We don’t need any special time, equipment or prior experience to move in this way. We can dance for 2 minutes or as long as we want. There is no wrong way to dance.
“This all sounds amazing!” you think, but you’re wondering where to start.
Put on some comfy clothes and read on for some practical ideas of how to get moving:
Choose a space that is familiar and comfortable! A living room with the coffee table pushed to the side is a great option. My son and I love to bring some music into the kitchen and dance together as we prepare dinner.
Find some music that is fun to dance to! Turn on your favourite radio station, get out your favourite tunes, have your child pick his favourites or go find some new rhythms together.
Try making your own music! Bring out whatever instruments you have or find anything that makes noise – keys, bells, lids or a homemade shaker.
Follow your child! Let yourself be guided by her movements – follow, mirror or add to whatever she’s offering (and don’t worry if it doesn’t look like “dance”).
Start small! Try a toe, foot or hand dance – moving just one part of your body. Explore mirroring your child’s hand movements.
Begin with a silly walk! Tiptoe, wobble, flop around.
Grab some objects that you can move with! Scarves, ribbons, balloons, sheets and balls are great options.
Dress up! How would that character or animal move?
Get out your favourite book and try dancing the story together!
Draw or paint! Then dance the pictures.
Pretend your bodies are paintbrushes and paint the room!
Choose other imagery to inspire you! Become fireworks bouncing around the room, raindrops falling to the ground, flowers growing in the spring, tortoises and hares - moving as fast and as slowly as you can.
Try a freeze dance! Someone starts and stops the music and the rest freeze every time the music stops.
Feeling inspired? Now don’t let the busyness of your life make you feel like you have no time! That struggle to get out the door can be made more enjoyable if it is done with a silly walk at the speed of a hare. Dance through it! Your bodies and children will thank you!
