Hi, I’m Twyla
And when I was pregnant, I wanted to do EVERYTHING right.
As soon as that second pink line appeared, I started reading books on pregnancy, birth and parenting, and spent hours online figuring out and trying to purchase all the things I thought I needed to have for a baby. I tried to learn what I was and wasn’t supposed to do and always had tonnes of questions for my midwife. I wanted to know everything I could and have the healthiest possible pregnancy, birth, and baby.
Although I was doing so much to get ready, I was still really worried about what might happen, which then had me worrying that my high anxiety might harm my baby!
Unfortunately all that reading and researching didn’t help me deal with this worry. If anything, it gave me more to worry. Not only did I not find definitive answers but the more I read, the more I learned could go wrong and things I’d need to figure out.
The “experts” (influencers, friends, family members, and strangers!) were happy to weigh in, all with differing opinions. I discovered that for many things there wasn’t even consensus within the medical community and birth care providers.
When you’re pregnant, everyone seems to want to tell you what you should do (and very often unsolicited!). Everyone and their grandmother has an opinion and so much of it is contradictory. How to figure out what the right answer is? I can tell you that it’s not by reading research studies (done that and they’re just an inconclusive and conflicting).
At the end of the day, you have to be able to trust your inner compass.
And that’s what so many women struggle to do before, during, and after pregnancy.
As women, we’re conditioned early-on that we don’t know what’s best for us. That our parents, teachers and doctors (older, wiser, more educated people) do. Our feelings aren’t valid. Our experiences aren’t validated, or sometimes even believed. We can’t trust our bodies and, naturally, we learn to doubt ourselves. And if you’re a people-pleaser like I tend to be? We don’t even question following others’ advice and lose connection with any sense of our own knowing.
And it’s this knowing that we need more than ever when we’re pregnant and looking towards becoming a parent.
Because we need to be able to:
Listen to our body, so we know when something feels off and it’s time to advocate for care, or when we’re pushing ourselves too hard and need to rest to avoid injury.
Calm our nervous system so perfectionism and overwhelm don’t steal our joy during this precious time!
Trust our gut when presented with options for which tests to get, or which vaccines to give, or who to choose for your birth team—and even which of the immense amount of baby gear we actually need (it’s ridiculous how much there is out there!)
Make decisions based on our own values, instead of responding to the stories and shoulds of family, the dominant culture, or pressure from birth workers.
It’s connecting to our own inner compass that is going to provide us with the calm, confidence and ease we are longing for while pregnant.
I believe connecting to this inner compass is some of the most important preparation we can do while pregnant. I know it is what has guided me through my journey of motherhood over the past 14 years.
Before I became a mother, I had ways to manage overwhelm, perfectionism and anxiety made me feel mostly in control. I spent a lot of time and energy people pleasing and listening to what others thought I should do, and when it felt like too much, I also had ways (generally not the healthiest) that I distracted and numbed myself.
When I became pregnant, not only was the emotional intensity and anxiety a thousand times worse, my coping mechanisms were no longer cutting it. At the prospect of becoming a mother, it felt like so much more was at stake—I felt like I had to become an expert on everything, overnight
But this is when I also started to question the ways I automatically followed what the supposed “experts” told me I should do. Not only was the pregnancy, childbirth and parenting advice out there anxiety-invoking and contradictory, for some reason when you’re pregnant, people seem to think it’s appropriate to give you unsolicited advice. Knowing I was now caring for another human, I no longer wanted to do the ‘right’ things to please others. I wanted to do the things that were right for me and my baby.
This work in connecting to my inner wisdom was so important that, after having my first son, I started my PhD focused on increasing the accessibility of somatic practices - the practices that help us tune into our body’s cues (the ones we’ve tended to have had more practice ignoring). Our body’s are always trying to move us to greater health and balance and trying to tell us what we need to do to support that. Those same cues that tell us “I need to pee” and “I need to eat” (and how often have we ignored even those?). Those cues also help us sense when something is off, or if something feels right or wrong. And the more we practice tuning in to our bodies, the better we can hear and follow that wisdom.
And in the end, cultivating this connection is how I prepared myself while pregnant and how I continue to follow the right choices for me and my growing family.
It’s about having the tools to calm and trust yourself and feel a lot more confident moving through this journey.
It’s about feeling more resourced and capable to ride the waves of uncertainty and decide to step into the unknown.
It’s about cutting through the advice and making the choices that are right for you.
It’s about speaking up and advocating for yourself and your baby.
It’s not just about getting ready to give birth but about feeling like you have what you need to feel confident as a mother.
It’s about being prepared on the inside.
My inner compass has been critical for me in my motherhood journey and I am passionate about supporting others to reconnect to their own inner wisdom, especially in a society that often undermines it. From my own experience along with my training (which include a masters in social work, a PhD in Somatics, and certifications in embodiment coaching and perinatal mental health), I’ve created a system to help women feel prepared, emotionally and mentally, to trust their instincts and themselves, so they can be the strong mothers their children need.
My journey as a mother over the past 14 years continues to call me to keep increasing my capacity and let go of shoulds and stories that no longer serve me. I still feel anxious at times, but I feel grounded in my values and confident in my choices. And I can keep showing up to meet the continually unfolding unknown in this crazy adventure of motherhood.
If you crave feeling more calm, grounded, and confident in your choices in pregnancy and beyond, I’d love to invite you to find out more about my new prenatal course.
Right now I’m offering a few spots for free in exchange for feedback. If you’d like one of these spots, send me an email and we’ll see if it sounds like it may be what you’re looking for.
